My Writings. My Thoughts.
Swimming the Channel…part trois…my reflections…swimming…friendship…
// August 28th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
I have dreamt of swimming the English Channel since I was a young girl. The fantasy of a lone swimmer in a different dimension to the rest of humanity and quite at one with the sea. In many ways I think that dream was fulfilled as I did feel totally comfortable in the water and if I had needed to could have gone on and on swimming. That said I did feel frustrated during the last couple of hours of the swim but I do believe that could have been avoided.
One of the mistakes that I made during the swim was looking up and sighting France. I had been advised not to by a few people in the swimming community and now having done the swim myself I would advise the same. Also, I had spoken to one of my friends who swam across a couple of weeks before me and had taken a few minutes longer than me. Michelle told me she never looked up and she only had any idea she was ‘there’ when her family and friends on the boat told her. As I said I felt quite comfortable in the water and was not cold so had I not known my proximity to France in those last few hours I would have just kept swimming quite happily oblivious to how slowly I was moving towards French soil. All of that said I think not looking up is easier said than done and I don’t know if I would act any differently on doing it again!
Swimming in the dark was challenging as it was the first time I had done it. I remain eternally grateful for the advice I was given about having extra lights so someone on the boat could hold one. As I have said before Patricia holding that single little light at the back of the boat in the darkness was ‘everything’ at that time. Next time I would actually have more lights and have them positioned around the boat. I am also thinking about how I can make myself more visible in the dark to my support crew on the boat. I am considering the possibility of a ‘glow in the dark’ swimming costume and swim hat…why not?!?!
I have so far spoken about logistical aspects of the actual swim that I have felt I needed to think through. However I have been most ‘tormented’ and ‘bothered’ by the thoughts that come from more personal issues.
The success of any Channel swim is dependent on a combination of people. The swimmer of course has to do the preparation required, cold water aclimitisation, long swim sessions, energy intake during sea swims, etc. The boat pilot plays an equally important role as they have to steer the swimmer to the shortest course possible. That means when the swimmer is not on track for Cap Gris Nez, which is the nearest point from Dover, he has to consider the tidal movement, the weather, the speed the swimmer is going and with all those things he has to navigate the swimmer to a suitable landing point. Finally crucial to the success of the swim is the support crew usually made up of 2-4 people chosen carefully by the swimmer.
Earlier I talked about my friend who had swum the Channel a couple of weeks before me. It was interesting that she had broken the rules in terms of the kind of people our mentors had recommended we had or did not have on the boat. We had been advised not to have mum, dad, grandad, Auntie Doris, your boyfriend, your neighbour and anyone else who wanted to come along for a ‘nice day out!’. The thinking being that you should only have people on the boat who are going to be ‘effective’ members of the crew. You should not have people who might ‘crack’ because they can’t bear to see you struggling rather than being your ’strength’ and keeping you going. Well my friend did not quite have all of those members of her family but she did have most of them…and it worked…they worked…a brilliant team and she had a fantastic swim!
My experience was very different and my support crew were virtual strangers. I am extremely grateful to Kevin and Patricia for stepping in to help me. I had known Kevin for less than 2 months and Patricia for no more than 3 months, both of them through swim training. Kevin had experience of being support for his 2 brothers and he had swum the Channel a couple of weeks ago himself. He is a very laid back kind of guy, very positive, and so a perfect crew member. Patricia had no experience but she was, at times, absolutely brilliant and a crucial member of the team.
I had set out to recruit people who I knew and trusted for my swim early in the year but getting commitment for essentially what has to be a whole week is not very easy. If you book to swim the Channel you will be given a ‘tide’ slot which is usually around a week long. Within that you will be given a position on that tide, usually 1-4, dependent on how many people your boat pilot has already booked on that slot. Number 1 on the given tide will be given the first opportunity to go when the weather conditions are within ’swimmable’ parameters. That said the conditions are sometimes so bad throughout the whole week and nobody gets to go!
I had found the most amazing support crew member in February. Isabelle was not working so was going to be available throughout my whole tide. She was so excited that I had asked her and threw herself ‘head on’ into the role. She made lists, watched ‘you tube’ videos of past swims to learn as much as possible. She asked me numerous questions about feeding, about logistical issues, even about what things she could say that would help me and the things that would wind me up! Isabelle was the most perfect crew member, in fact crew ‘leader’. I reckon she could give a ‘masterclass’ on preparing to support a Channel swimmer!
So…what happened??? Isabelle got pregnant! Fantastic for her and her husband that they were expecting a much wanted baby. On the other hand the sad part for both of us was that she would no longer be able to be involved. We both knew that she could not be on the boat because if she was very sick the swim would have to be over, neither of us were prepared to take that risk.
Various other people were on the list but with the swim a few weeks away it became clear that I may only have one definite. Just a couple of days before my actual swim I called my boat pilot panicking and asked him ‘how many support crew members could we get away with?’. Paul said if I have one person he would find someone else and not to worry we would be fine. He said “Fay, even if you have nobody we will manage somehow!”. On reflection I think that would probably be true during daylight, I think if it had been only Paul, his crew Jack and Jordan, the official observer they would have been fine doing my feeds and shouting words of encouragement. That said I am not so sure how it would have worked in the dark!
Anyway the day went well with my support crew of 2, and there was only one minor hiccup with the frequency of my feeds which in reality was not a real problem. The fact that I had hourly feeds for the first 6 hours rather than moving to 30 min intervals after 2 hours as planned by me, I actually think went in my favor. The longer period between each feed helped me get my head into the right place. As I have said before I like training alone and I need to be on my own to go into ‘Fay’s world’ which is where I have my store of ‘tools’ that help me to keep going through ‘hell and high water!’.
After the swim I thought a lot about my friendships and particularly those people who I have considered to be my closest friends. People who I would travel to the other side of the world to help if they really needed me, people I have been there for in the past, people who I would have like to think would be there for me. The thoughts that came forward made me really very sad. The fact that none of those friends found a way to come on the boat and share my ‘dream’ with me forced me to question their loyalty. In doing so I did consider the issues of geographical distance which are legitimate barriers. I considered the time element and that it was basically a week either ‘off work’ or ‘away from the family’… I considered that individuals may worry about other issues like the possibility of sea sickness. However, I do believe a ‘true’ friend would at least try to overcome those things.
Perhaps I am being unfair and should better appreciate that people have their own lives and none of them had the time or space for my ’swim’. Okay, I will give you that!
That particular sadness was deepened when I looked through all my messages of support and encouragement that had come in through the day of my swim both on the internet and by text. So many people had been watching my swim through the boat tracker, the postings on my website and on the tri-talk website. They were ‘rooting’ for me and through the words that were written I could imagine those individuals sitting there willing me on. I was then and remain now extremely touched and humbled by that support. One woman sent me a message telling me that she had seen me complete the UK Double Ironman in 2008 and that I was her inspiration. She had gone from being a ‘couch potato’ with little confidence that she could be a ’sportswoman’ to completing Ironman several times. I read that when I was lying in bed after my Channel swim not able to sleep with a combination of pain and adrenaline…what a buzz I got from that message!!!
You are probably now thinking; ’so Fay what is it that makes you sad about that?’. Well amongst all the messages I did not receive one from any of the people that I had known for years, those people I was disappointed not to share my ‘dream’ with, those people who I thought I meant so much to, so much that they would be hanging off every report that was posted on the internet!
After the swim, when I got home and it was all over the ‘blues’ that I felt were not about the swim itself or even the fact that it was over. They were about my life and particularly the loneliness I felt.
I have thought a lot about why I have so few close friends. Yes there are lots of people who I know by face, by name and to say hello and pass the time of day with. Similarly there are lots of people who know who I am and would quite happily stop and have a chat with me. In fact I have often found myself in a conversation with someone who I don’t actually know at all but they know me because they have heard about one or other of my achievements. I enjoy meeting new people and have found that often the most interesting are absolute strangers who you strike up a conversation with in a queue or whilst sitting on a plane. But that is not usually the stuff that lifelong friendships are formed from.
Having had a fairly dysfunctional childhood, growing up at boarding school and then dotted around RAF bases around the world I did not form lasting friendships as a child. There are a few friends that I remember from school and have recently become back in contact with through Facebook. That said I have many painful memories associated with being sent away to boarding school at the age of 6 and more or less growing up there so I never want to dig too deep into that. When I was at home during the school holidays my mother wanted to get me out of the way as much as possible. When I was very young I spent most of my time in my bedroom. I didn’t know any local kids because my school was far away. From the age of 12 I would go out most evenings and mix with people who were much older than me…adults! I would go to night clubs all over the place staying out until 3am and sometimes not going home at all. Somehow I was able to pass myself off as 18 telling everyone I was a college student at home on my hols. Thinking back now I put myself in some potentially dangerous situations mixing with these older ‘friends’ but of course then it did not occur to me. I wanted to be with people and this seemed to be the place where I ‘fit in’.
Interestingly just yesterday I was talking to my ‘friend’ Katja who I have known a very short time since my ‘Swim Trek’ training camp in April…(and I hope with all my heart that Katja and I will be my friends forever as she is very special. She has such warmth and energy). We were talking about the subject of friendship and we were wishing that we lived closer to each other, Katja lives in Germany. She said; “I most enjoy being with people who are ‘crazy’ and you are definitely crazy!!!”. Such a complement Katja!!!…I love you too…
I suppose that is something that may make it harder for me to find friends. Yes I am crazy, yes I am different, and even eccentric so it could be for many people that is off putting. From my side it may be that the people I ‘click’ most with are a bit ‘crazy’ or eccentric themselves (did you hear that Katja?!). So if the world is made up of mostly ‘normal’ people and there are only a few ‘crazies’ dotted around it stands to reason friendships may be rare!!!
Swimming the Channel…part deux!…”Get your leg over girl!”…
// August 19th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
It is now 4 weeks since my swim and I am still struggling to put it into words. I have thought and thought about why that is and about what I want to write. Even now I am still apprehensive and do not have a clear line of thought. Usually when I write my fingers can’t keep up with my thoughts and it pours out!
I think a big part of the problem is my need to always be as honest about my feelings both to myself and to other people. Facing the reality of how I feel about my swim is difficult to say out loud. I imagine that I should feel elated and enjoy sharing that feeling with my closest friends and family. Of course I would be a hypocrite if I were to write the ‘fairy tale’ version and not share the less than perfect aspect. I am known as someone who ’speaks her mind’. I have no fear about being seen to be making a fool of myself, being frowned upon, being pointed at, or being labelled an ‘eccentric’, a ‘mad’ woman, or any such seemingly derogatory name. Fortunately with the maturity of age and with hindsight of ‘what’ and more importantly ‘who’ really matters none of those hurt me any longer.
I have come to accept that when people first meet me they often shy away from me because I don’t exactly ‘fit in’. I have often found myself the ‘odd one out’ within a newly formed group who have been forced together for whatever reason. The group breaks off into little ’sub groups’ or individuals partner up and I am often last person standing. What is interesting is that after spending some time together people usually see that there is more to me than meets the eye…that I can be pretty wise at times, that I actually have quite a lot of knowledge inside my ‘fuzzy haired’ head, that I am kind, empathetic, loyal and always forgiving. I have often gone from being the ‘outcast’ in a group to being the chosen ’spokesperson!’. All of that said the overall view that ‘Fay is different!’ never changes but that’s fine by me because in reality that is my choice…
So back to the swim! Well the swim itself was really relatively uneventful. The sea was very calm for all but the final hour or so. I was stung in the face by jelly fish, which as my boat pilot said when he saw it happen “woke me up!”. He also said to Patricia at that time,…”But she didn’t say a word about it!”, and no I didn’t. In fact I did not once complain about anything. Of course there were moments when I felt discomfort of one sort or another. Actually at 5 hours I was so fed up for one reason or another but mostly because my feeding plan was not, at that time, being stuck to by my support crew, that I was going to get out!!!! I had asked to be fed hourly for the first 2 hours and then into 30 minute feeds after that. Kevin had gone for a sleep which he needed having arrived in Dover at 4.30am after driving from London, and not forgetting it was only 10 days since his own 16 hour Channel swim. That left Patricia who was the less experienced of my 2 support team in charge. As I have said Kevin had swum the Channel himself and he had crewed for both of his brothers swims and so knew the drill pretty well. However this was Patricia’s first experience as a support crew member. I think, from the conversation, that I had with Patricia after the swim that she was expecting me to come in to the boat for my feeds ‘on time’ rather than the support taking the responsibility for the time. In reality most Channel swimmers do not wear watches and ‘newbies’ are advised not to do so. For many people seeing the hours ticking away and knowing exactly how long they have been out there could be quite demotivating. I however was wearing a watch which was set on the stop watch function and I had zeroed it on entering the water in Dover. Time held no element of fear for me and I was prepared to be out there for as long as it took to get to France. I had actually mentally put 21 hours on my watch as that was the longest swim the previous year. Beyond that I was quite prepared to go for the longest swim ‘ever’ which at that time stood at about 26 and half hours set by an American man in 1929 (need to check the year!) but has since been broken by my friend and training partner, Jackie Sobell, whose epic swim just a few days after mine took nearly 29 hours.
Anyway once Kevin was up and about the ‘well oiled cog’ kicked in!’. From then on my feeds were like clockwork and in fact at times the ‘boys’ were quite ‘adamant’ in calling me in. The boys being Kevin, who you know about, Jack who was my boat pilot’s assistant and Jordan who was the official ‘Observer’, there to make sure the rules of Channel swimming were adhered to. Both Jack and Jordan contributed to my feeding. In fact most of the time it seemed to be Jack who was passing me my drinks, dangling off the boat as low as he could to put the cup into my hand. In the entire 17 hours we only dropped one drink, pretty good I think! My liquid feeds were maxim with ginger cordial, a honey and ginger mix, and ocassionally an orange electrolyte drink. There is some debate about whether electrolyte feeds are required during sea swimming because by nature of the conditions most people will ingest enough salt through swallowing sea water. That is something I would tend to agree with but that said I drank very little of the salty water with the conditions being so calm. The solid food I ate to accompany my drinks were either a mini milky way, a couple of squares of dairy milk choc, or a jaffa cake enhanced with ibroprufen.
I took 2 lots of painkillers throughout the swim, the first at 8 hours and the second at 13 hours. Not that I was in great pain at any time during the swim. My shoulders were no more than a little sore when I took the first lot of brufen and I wanted to keep it that way. My left arm did get a bit of cramp like pain in it at one point and I was a bit worried, although again I said nothing. I changed my stroke a bit, stretched it out and then took my second lot of painkillers. After that I was fine for the rest of the swim to France.
As I have already said the sea was mostly very calm. Although it was a bit wavy going through the shipping lanes! There I was happily swimming along and then all of a sudden I would be going up and down, up and down. I would look for the big ferry or tanker expecting it to be right beside me and then I would spot it quite some distance from me. Other times the massive great sea machines would be just a ’stones throw’ away! A few people have asked me if I was at all scared seeing the huge ferries and ships sailing so close to me. That is one of the good things about training in Dover harbour, you get used to seeing them around you and so they are nothing new. Besides it made the journey more interesting and I really found the waves to be good fun. After my swim I spoke to a girl from Canada who had also done the crossing and she said it had made her sick every time the massive boats created such big swells!
The other thing that brought me some entertainment during the swim was ‘the boys’ fishing. Every now and again they would actually catch something and there was a flurry of excitement from the boat. I later learned that they had caught quite a few mackerel and had cooked them for their tea!
I knew that there was going to come a moment when Paul, my boat pilot, was going to ask me for a big push to get me through into French inshore waters and that time came 11 hours into the swim. I had built up a great relationship with Paul since we first spoke in 2008 and I completely respected and trusted him. In fact during the swim I would say I was a bit like a puppy wanting to please its master and every time Paul came out and clapped and cheered it would make me push a bit harder. So when he asked me to ‘put in a really good hour’ I mustered all my physical and mental energy and pushed myself as hard as I could for the next hour. Having already swum for 11 hours I had to really concentrate on keeping my stroke strong and powerful. Paul was visibly really pleased with how I was doing, shouting “go on Fay” in his unmistakable voice. So then at the end of that hour he said “that was brilliant Fay. Now can you just give me another one like that!”.
Patricia got in at that point to try and help me keep the pace going. The rules of Channel swimming allow you to have a support swimmer for 1 hour at given intervals of which I am not sure. Often swimmers are mentally lifted by having someone swim beside them. Kevin had already been in with me earlier but quite honestly having either of them in the water with me did not really have the desired effect. In reality I could see that in both instances they were struggling to swim at the slow pace that I was going at. Particularly with Kevin I could see that he was getting cold and I started to worry about him. During Dover training sessions Kevin and I had swum alongside each other and our speeds were well matched but obviously I had already been in the water for a long time.
Anyway Patricia got out after an hour of ‘attempting’ to swim next to me and I then felt more relaxed. I have always preferred to train on my own and although I was part of a group in Dover I mostly swam alone. I tend to go into my own little world when I am doing a long session of any type. It is very much my ’sanity time’…in other words it is this time alone with my thoughts and my fantasies that acts as my ‘therapy’. Over the years with battling depression, which at times has been very bad, I have resisted the lure of anti-depressants knowing that if I can just get my head into doing long gentle sessions I would get myself through to the other side. There is a brilliant saying that I have seen a few times on cards and other bits; “If you are going through hell…don’t stop…keep going till you get out of it”. The other one that resonates is; “If you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!’.
Soon I was able to see the French cliffs tantalisingly getting evermore closer. I became quietly excited and from the distance away that they appeared to be I was thinking we would be there before darkness fell. Little did I know!!! At that point we were about 3 land miles from France which under normal circumstances would take me less than 2 hours to swim. Of course swimming the English Channel would not be considered to be normal by any standards!
I continued to swim and the French coast continued to stay at seemingly the same distance! At feeding time I asked Paul if we were going in the right direction and he said, “yes, slowly, when you are swimming but when you stop for a feed, the longer you stop the more we are being pushed in the wrong direction”. So from that statement I knew that there was a tidal influence and that I needed to keep my head down and just keep
ploughing on.
After some time had passed I noticed a bit of movement around the boat and eventually realised that Paul was getting the motorised rubber dinghy into the water. Once again I got the excitement rose and I did actually make some kind of reference to the closeness of the French shore. The excitement was short lived as Kevin said to me’ “you still have a fair bit of work to do”. I think a good piece of advice that is often dished out to ‘newbie’ Channel swimmers is; ‘don’t look up’. More so having done the swim it does make total sense to me. had I not looked up and just kept swimming I would have been perfectly happy and would not have felt any of the frustration. I had already committed myself to keeping going until my feet were on French soil so time was not an issue. But of course in reality when you are out there it is easier said than done.
The sun was fading and I could see the crew taking pictures of the sunset from the boat. I looked at my watch and saw that we had been going just over 15 hours and wondered how much longer till we got there. Not that I felt particularly tired rather that it was frustrating to seem so close but be moving forward so annoyingly slowly. That was the last time I looked at my watch as before long I could no longer see it!
The darkness fell quite quickly. I had already attempted to switch my lights on when the light had first begun to fade but was unsuccesful. I was wearing a little green light attached to the strap of my goggles and a green pen light attached to my swimming costume with a safety pin. The guys called me to the boat and said I needed to get the lights on now as they could no longer see me properly. We struggled a bit with them but eventually between Jack hanging off the boat and me we managed to get them both flashing. When I later saw the video of my swim I realised just how little of me they could see. Actually just 2 flashing green lights, no actual ‘Fay!’. There was a flood light on the boat but when I swam in front of it I was so dazzled that I would get disorientated and swim into the boat. I remembered that Nick Adams had told me to make sure you have a spare green pen light and have someone sit at the back of the boat and hold it. That was the singlemost best piece of advice!
For the last 90 minutes or so of my swim Patricia became my ‘lifeline’. She sat at the end of ‘Pace Arrow’ holding that little green flashing light and with every turn of my head I was orientated by that. At one point she moved from that spot, I assume to get something from the other side of the boat. That was the only moment during the swim when I felt truly uncomfortable. Without her sitting there I felt totally lost and isolated from the boat. I shouted anxiously, “Patricia, come back!”. She shouted back at me, “sorry, I’m coming”. I have spoken about that moment frequently since the swim. I had not managed to train in the dark and even if I had have done so in dover harbour it would not have prepared me for swimming out at sea next to a moving boat, in the pitch black! I certainly now appreciate how important it is that the person sitting at the end of the boat understands that they are ‘everything’ to you for that time in the darkness.
I really could not see a thing in front of me so at that point I could have still been 5 hours away!
Big, big excitement…’I really think this is it!’. I hear the dinghy being started up and that must mean we are within ‘touching’ distance. I keep swimming and then realise that somewhere within the commotion of the little boat going into the water my ‘lifeline’ has disappeared! Where is my little green light??? Slight panic…where am I going??? ‘Okay’ I thought, ’surely if I am that close i can manage to get to the coast on my own if I lose the boat’. I hear Patricia shouting at me, but I am not sure what she is saying. Then I hear Paul shouting, “follow Jack, follow Jack”. I look around me and then I see it…my little green flashing light some way ahead of me in the blackness. I put my head down and swim towards it. The sea is a little bit choppy as I move forward and for a split second a thought crosses my mind, ‘what if I don’t make it now having got so close!’. I give that ‘demon’ a sharp slap across the face and keep swimming.
When I get right up alongside Jack he shines a big light ahead and shouts to me, “we need you to stand there”.
I swam to the big light and I heard Jack shouting at me again but I can’t quite hear what he is saying. Then I hear; “stand up, you can stand up!’.
I sheepishly put my feed downwards and sure enough I can feel sand. I scramble to my feet and walk forward to the stand in the light. I think I might have let out a little whoop and then got back in the sea and swam back to the boat.
I clammered up the ladder and as I prepared to climb over the rail my boat pilot said “that’s it girl, get your leg over”. I let out a wicked laugh and replied; “the chance would be a fine thing”, showing all that there was nothing wrong with my responses and my sense of humour was still very much intact!
Kevin, who was still videoing, was saying, “you are such a strong lady…you done absolute fantastic…oh my god, you are such a strong lady”.
I gave everyone the biggest hug and thanked them for everything they had done throughout the swim. Kevin said, “you didn’t need us, you just got on with it. You are so ‘matter of fact’ about it like, okay…job done!”. He said that to me on several ocassions after the swim and it is has been one of the most thought provoking comments/moments of my swim. That is something I will talk more about later.
I found my clothes bag and got myself dried and dressed. I took a couple of travel tablets to try and fend off sea sickness on the way home. I did not actually feel sick at all and I also knew that if the maxim was going to come back up it would do so travel tablet or not but I took them anyway. I had bought a special ’sick bucket’ fully expecting to need it on the way home as it is more common than not for Channel swimmers to ‘feed the fish’ on the way home!
Kevin and Patricia told me to sit on the panel of the boat which is above the engine motor as it was nice and warm. I sat there for a short time and then went to see Paul who was driving the boat, at quite some speed I have to say! I thanked him again and we chatted a while but I could see that he was concentrating so went back to my warm spot above the engine. The travel tablets had made me a bit sleepy so I closed my eyes for a while. Spray from the sea was spitting at me through the awning as the boat was going so fast. I had a sleeping bag over me and I could feel the bottom of it getting quite soggy, so I threw a waterproof coat over my legs. I was feeling quite hungry but I didn’t want to tempt fate and thought I will wait till I get back on dry land before eating.
It took us about an hour to get back to Dover harbour. By that time my arms had started to ‘rebel’ and were crying out!
I got off my warm spot and walked towards the back of the boat to climb out. There I saw Leigh, Kevin’s brother, standing there with a bunch of flowers for me. It was such a lovely moment to end my swim with…
Part trois to follow…
Swimming the English Channel… Part une!
// August 8th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
I had set my alarms to go off at 3.15am but I was awake and out of bed before they went off. I don’t know exactly how much sleep I actually got, possibly 2 hours. I felt surprisingly calm. When I remember how nervous and psyched up I would get for my earlier training sea swims, on this day of the ‘real swim’ I was positively serene in comparison! I swallowed a tin of red bull to wake myself up properly. I don’t drink coffee, so red bull, or pro plus are my morning ‘pick me up’ for an occasion that requires me to be ‘on the ball’…
I got myself suncreamed up as best I could without anyone around to do my back. Patricia was still asleep in the room next door and she had asked me to wake her but I wanted to give her as long as possible in bed. I went downstairs and went about the task of filling my 3 litre thermos flasks with hot water and making my hot honey and ginger drinks to go into my smaller flasks. I had two kettles on the go, one of which I had bought at Tescos for £11.99 on the way to Dover yesterday, a super speedy number. I had meant to bring the one from home but forgot it and knowing how much water I needed to boil I thought I should buy an extra one otherwise I would probably still be there in the kitchen when my boat was on its way to France!
By the time I went back upstairs Patricia was already up. I took a couple of travel tablets which I had been advised to do by seasoned Channel swimmers to prevent any sickness on the boat journey to the start. I got Patricia to put suncream on my back and then we were pretty much set to go and meet my boat pilot at Dover Marina. We loaded the flasks and other bits into the car, or rather Patricia did most of it to save my arms, and off we went. I drove, rather than Patricia. It was only 5 minutes away and with a few twisty, turny bits and Patricia’s ‘rusty’ gear changing, we decided it was the less stressful option!
We got to the Marina at about 4.15am and saw that there were a few people milling around, other swimmers and their support crew. As soon as I got out of the car I saw Kevin, the other member of my support crew and went over and gave him a hug. I noticed straight away that his brother, Leigh, was with him and excitedly asked him if he was coming on my boat aswell. He told me that he was going on Matt’s boat. I have trained with Matt since the beginning of April when we were on the ‘Swim Trek’ Gozo trip and in Dover on the weekends. I say ‘together’ quite loosely as he is much faster than me and I might have occasionally seen his heals as he flew past me! Both Kevin and Leigh have successfully swum the Channel this season and their brother Gary did it last year. Imagine that 3 brothers all of them are now in the history books for completing one of the most difficult and iconic long distance swims in the world, how proud must their family be… Anyway, I was excited that Matt was going on the same day as me.
No sooner had I taken a couple of paces after finishing talking to Kevin and Gary I then saw Simon, another of my ‘Gozo’ training partners. He told me he was swimming as part of a 6 person relay team. Simon had originally intended to make a solo attempt but having suffered very badly with the 15 degree cold water in Gozo he decided to convert his swim to a relay rather than lose the money he had already laid out for the swim. Swimming the Channel is an expensive project and the boat pilot fees alone are over £2,000 for a 1 way swim. Simon would have already paid a non-refundable deposit of £1,250 and that is a lot of money for anyone to ‘give away!’.
I then bump into Irene, one of the Dover beach crew volunteers, and she told me she is going on one of the other swimmer’s boat as support crew. She gave me the biggest hug and told me “you will be fine, just swim one feed to the next and you will be there before you know it”.
Anyway with all the hugging and greeting over I go to the Marina office to register my car and pay for parking. Kevin and Patricia have unloaded the car by the time I get back down to it and they are waiting for Paul to appear with our boat. As everyone else had gone down to their boats and we were the last ones waiting Kevin goes down to the jetty to look for ‘Pace Arrow’, our boat. He comes back a few minutes later and says Paul is ready to go if we are and so we take all the boxes and bits down to the boat. Again I did not carry anything heavy, my shoulders and arms had some serious work ahead of them!
Once everything was loaded Paul started the boat and drove us out of the harbour. He told me that we would be starting from Samphire Hoe which was about 15 minutes away. I asked Patricia to put another layer of suncream onto my back and then about 5 minutes away from the start Paul told me to ‘grease up’. That was not a big job as I only put vaseline on the places that are likely to get rubbed; around my neck, under my arms, my bingo wings!
Paul stopped the boat about 200 metres from Samphire Hoe beach and told me to jump in and swim to shore and wait for the signal to start. Even then I remained calm and was just totally focussed on the task that lay ahead. One of the things that I have learnt, to my advantage, over the years of taking part in events that last many, many hours, is that, it will all be over almost with the blink of an eye, I will have done it, I will have got through any difficult moments and will be lying in my bed reflecting on how quickly it was over. Armed with that wisdom I am able to approach what may appear to others as an almost impossibly huge wall to climb, or in this case swim, in a relatively relaxed manner. Waiting to get confirmation of when I would get to swim was the nerve wrecking part, once I knew I was in the water and on my way then I was happy.
A distant voice shouted from the boat, I think it was Paul’s; ‘”Go on the Fay”… and that was it I was in the water starting my swim to France…
The weekend before the swim…I’m not doing it!!!
// August 2nd, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Yes that was what I was saying on the Sunday before my ‘epic’ swim…”I’ve decided I’m not doing it!!!” Why…well the tense feelings that went with not knowing when conditions would be okay for me to swim were pretty horrible. I literally buried by head under the duvet on Sunday morning having turned myself inside out looking at every possible weather forecast, wind guru, sea state forecast for the previous couple of days. The weather had been so wonderful early in July but then the week before my swim week of 19-27th July was very windy. The weather forecast was changing all the time and the early indications were that it was not changing much. The other factor was how long it would take the sea to settle after it had been so lively out there.
Every event I have ever done in the past I have had a set date and time to start and the unpredictability of this aspect of Channel swimming was a challenge for me. I am a person who likes to feel ‘in control’ and having that control taken away from me in such a definite fashion made me feel quite helpless and almost ‘disarmed’ for a while.
By Sunday evening things certainly seemed to be looking up and I felt hopeful that I would get to go by mid week. I knew Paul, my boat pilot had a relay to take before me and after speaking to him he told me that they were going early hours of tomorrow/Monday morning. He said he would call me whilst he is out with them to update me on how things are looking for Tuesday, but basically to have my bags packed and by the front door ready to go. Once I had that conversation with Paul I became completely calm and just focussed on getting everything ready.
On the Monday morning I could see on the shipping tracker that Paul was out with the relay team and reading their website blog they reported that the conditions were great. I looked at the weather forecasts and all looked good for the next day. A bit later Paul phoned me to ask me if I was ready to go and that he would call me late afternoon after a final forecast check to confirm. Now I felt really excited, it was going to happen tomorrow…
I had everything ready to just put in the car once I had received that final call from Paul so I decided to chill out and watch a dvd. Something uplifting you would think!!!… Actually I watched a film called ‘Precious’ which is a pretty ‘tough’ film about a young black woman who suffers significant abuse from her family including her mother. She is unloved by her family and in turn does not love herself. You may be thinking ‘that does not sound like a good film to watch to prepare your mind before taking on the ‘Everest’ of open water swims!’. But for me it was perfect… With any endurance event of this kind so much of the test is strength of mind, determination, willpower. Those are the things that keep you going when you are in pain, either physical or psychological. So when I am pushing myself through those difficult moments out in the Channel I need to be in touch with the pain that I have felt in my life with the confidence of knowing I have got through everything so far. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you.
Years ago I had a tattoo done on my back (it’s in a picture with an earlier blog post) which I had done as a surprise for my son Jamie (that’ a whole nother story!!). Anyway the tattoo is a unicorn with ‘Jamie always’ written. I had it done very much in public at a tattoo convention in London and I think it took about 3 or 4 hours. I remember there was a guy sitting opposite me having one done on himself. He was cringing and wincing with the pain whilst I was completely still and calm. He said to me “How are you doing that?!”. I tried to explain to him that I was concentrating on banking the pain in a place where I could call upon it when I needed to get though a ‘really’ tough moment in an endurance event in the future. I think he probably just thought I was bonkers, some kind of masochist! Remembering that pain when I have been cycling up a big hill or trying set a new PB has helped me push through.
Anyway I received a text from my boat pilot late afternoon to tell me to meet him at Dover Harbour at 4.30am next morning. So…THIS IS IT…HERE WE GO…
With the car loaded I waited for Patricia, one of my support crew, who arrived just after 6.30pm. We had decided that she would drive to save my arms for tomorrows swim. So I gave Jamie a big hug and my leaving reception comprising Dave, Neil and Coreen waved me off. Although, our departure was not entirely smooth running! With Patricia behind the wheel of my car having not driven a manual car for many years it was a pretty bumpy ride to the motorway but once we were going in a straight line with no gear changes it was fine!
We arrived in Dover at around 10pm and quick unpacked the things I needed for the morning. This was mainly the bottled water that needed to be boiled to top of my feeds throughout tomorrows swim. Also the thermos flasks which are special catering ones that hold several litres of water and have a manual pump mechanism. You can imagine that trying to pour hot water out of a normal flask on a boat that is rocking and rolling could be precarious!
I gave Sheila, my Dover mum a kiss goodnight and took myself off to bed at around 10.45pm. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to Sheila and Bryan for giving me a ‘home’ in Dover for all the weekends I have trained there. How relaxed I felt in a house that I knew and loved and how different it would have been if I had been staying in a B&B.
I made a few phone calls, set my alarm (3 alarms actually!) for 3.15am and at 11.45 pm put my ‘Sex in the City’ dvd on to fall asleep to…
I know…I know…
// August 1st, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
I know I should have done the write up of my swim from England to France by now! In all honesty I am a bit apprehensive about it, I’m not sure exactly why…where to start maybe…and maybe, I haven’t really figured out how I feel about the swim. It’s always difficult after doing something so extreme and then coming back to ‘earth’, but with this one possibly even more so…
I promise to drag it of myself this week!!!x
Update From Pace Arrow @ 22.37
// July 20th, 2010 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized
Success Fay has landed. Fay is a channel swimmer!!!!!!!!!
Update From Pace Arrow @22.04
// July 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Latest update is that another hour should see Fay on the beach, these last few hours have been absolutely brutal!!!
Update From Pace Arrow @ 20.57
// July 20th, 2010 // 2 Comments » // Uncategorized
Latest from Pace Arrow “so close”
Update From Pace Arrow @ 20.14
// July 20th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Uncategorized
Latest update from Pace Arrow “she is battling hard agaist the tide which is decreasing so she is edging slowly towards the coast with a long angled line”
Update From Pace Arrow @ 18.57
// July 20th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Just received from Pace Arrow “Fay is doing fine we are only 2.5Nm from the coast but we are going across the tide”
